June 26, 2005

• Mom came home from shopping for about 6 hours with my grandmother. I saw her and greeted her at the garage door. I told her that Cyndi was making dinner. Meanwhile, Cyndi was putting away the spam that she was cutting up because she didn't want to get into trouble for making food when everyone wasn't home to eat it. So... She retreats downstairs and watches t.v. with Dad. Mom is yelling at me for the time because we waited for them to get home before starting to think of eating. She was genuinely angry at us. I started getting angry at her mostly because we were trying to be nice by having dinner together as a family. She didn't call us and tell us to start making something or anything. Honestly!!! She didn't even have her freaking cell phone so that we could get a hold of her and make sure. I hate that about her. She treats her family like shit and her relatives like royalty. I hate how she has been buying ice-cream and sweets and stuff like that since they've gotten here, but she would never consider buying that stuff for us before! It'd make us fat or tempt Cyndi into eating it and getting fat. That's the general idea, usually. I hate that, too. Mom used to make all of us work out a little bit every night and have breakfast shakes and eat a certain way because of Cyndi. That was find with me because I needed to do it to stay healthy, but now she doesn't care if we work out. She doesn't care if we eat a lot or are up late. She doesn't care if we're sad or confused about something. It takes us five tries each time we ask her something to get a straight answer that makes sense because she's always listening to whoever happens to be speaking some Korean at the moment. I despise this so much. I can handle having the family here, but if my mom is going to change a lot because of it, there is no way in hell I'm going to like it. She's not even changing for the good! She's more horrible than she was before. She won't let me go out anymore, see my friends, catch a movie, or have anyone over except for Jordan! Jordan's my best friend and that's cool, but I have other friends that I'm close with and would like to keep a connection with over the freakin' summer! I just wish she would make up her freaking mind about some of the things that are going on around the house! I have been doing dishes too regularly for her not to notice. I have done laundry, everyone's laundry! I keep my room clean. I clean up after my counsins. I clean up after Cyndi. I didn't even get a freakin' THANK YOU from anyone when I moved all of CYNDI'S clothes into new dressers and into my closet. I never got a THANK YOU for moving her clothes back into her room again and helping Jee Hyung put her clothes into my room instead. I never get any recognition for anything that I do right! It's not even so much that I care to get the THANK YOU. I just want her to treat me like I am doing the right things and getting stuff done positively, not like I've been sitting on my butt doing nothing with my life. Just for once...

  • 11:16 pm
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