July 10, 2008

  • The Numb Present

    I'm still waiting for an opportunity to come my way. Anything, really. I just want to move on, but it's the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do. Then again, it's one of the hardest things in my life to get over. That one moment has been re-lived in my mind and in my dreams so many times that it all feels the same anymore. I've been flirting and hinting and still nothing. It's okay, though. You can't have everything you want, right? I suppose most of the things we want for ourselves aren't necessary to our happiness or our health. It's just nice to be able to get what we want once in a while, especially when it's bad for us. I think that, at least.

    There is no harm done in a little careless fun every so often. I'm waiting for my "so often" to come around again. It seems like it has been such a long time ago. I'm actually looking forward to classes starting again so I can take a break from working every single day. I have down time, but going every single day is hard to do. I have a lot of respect for people who need to keep two or three jobs to support themselves and their families. It's a hard gig, and I'm just barely getting by as it is. Life's hard sometimes. True that.

    As far as my academic life is concerned, my scholarships have been suspended for a semester. I have to raise my GPA to the necessary average by the end of the semester or I'll lose them completely. Because of this, I've decided that I'm not going to do the music major anymore. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy about how it makes me feel and all of the uncertainty surrounding it. It's my hobby and my secret lovechild. I may as well leave it like that and enjoy it for as long as I can. That said, I'm going to pursue the double major in Psychology and French. That should give me a few really good options after I graduate from college. I'm still planning on getting my masters in Linguistics. It'll be a hard few years, but I know that I can get it done. I just need to work really hard so that my GPA can be raised. Then, I'll be well on my way to a great graduate school and a fellowship (hopefully). You never know what could happen.

    All I know is: I have to try way harder this semester because I've let myself down for long enough. I've been on the procrastination train since high school, and I'm ready to get off and end the corner-cutting.

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