March 29, 2008

  • My
    muse isn't an angel or a god. Unfortunately, my musings don't come from heaven or other exalted places in the minds of ten-year-olds. I'm a pool of restless feelings. I just want to continue my life. I just want to keep going, but no one else will let me but me. I'm tired of sitting here and waiting for that call or that message. I'm tired of wasting my life just lying dormant. I'm tired of being so secluded. I want to experience life. I feel like I've been trapped inside myself. I feel as if I'm walking on eggshells all of the time. For once, I want to jump onto a pile of leaves and just laugh. I want to go puddle-jumping and come back completely drenched in water and whatever else covers the sidewalks and streets of Concordia College. I want to look up at the sky and find more than just inspiration and happiness. I want to find some hope. I want to find love and encouragement. I wish that God's face was etched in the sky for me to gaze upon. I just want to touch something sacred with my heart. I want to bask in it and become one with it. So many wants... I'm not even sure where I am anymore. It's hard walking down a path with no light, no map, and no company.

    I want some honesty. I want comfort. I want the fuzzies. I want to be drunk on life. I want to be able to pass out for a week on ecstasy, just to wake up and re-fill my cup with carpe diem. It's so hard anymore to just be yourself in a world of magazines and broadcast news networks and cable television, comic books and music videos, witty social commentary and politics. At what point does it all just fall away? When does everyone realize that every thing's gone to shit, and we're not okay anymore? When will I just get over it and be honest with myself and everyone else?

    Life sucks when you're emo.